Heh Everyone,


Sorry it has been a while since I last blogged .. but I do have alot of news for you guys , finaly found a few jobs I can apply for so fingers crossed something comes out of them !! I dream of the day I can walk in to the office sit them down and tell them all I am off. There are several versions of this event in my head , al bar one end violently and usually with some tears ! However the realist in me just can  no wait to type up that letter of resigation and hand it in. Since I last moaned at you I have had more run  ins with the "team" and am slowly but surley loosing my sanity . Of course there are things I will miss about that place , the service users are a definate issue for me. I have spent so long working with them now that it is going to be strange  to not be there any more. As much as they can wreck my head, I do love them . When the stress of working with those that I work with is removed from the situation I find myself really enjoying their company. Although that for me is not enough to risk my sanity and menta health . After my last "run in" I went to  my mam's and cried on my little sisters shoulder while my niece looked on terrified . I would like you all to think she was afraid because she never saw me cry and this was a new departure for her , one she clearly found hard to handle . Alas this is not the case the child was terrified because when riled ad upset I become very irritable and am unfortunatly the owner of a very dirty temper . The language I used in that child's vncinity I shudder to remember . Before ayone goes getting ideas I did apologise to the child ad we are hunky dory again. Though it does go too show how much  that place affects me and how badly it does so.



On a happier note some positve things have happened in the past few weeks  . We have booked a holiday in barcelona for the end of the year. I swear I can not wait . I will tel you how bad it is , I have already purchased t wo dresses for evening times out there . I know ahead of the game , but they are beautiful . Hmm what else? Well we got a cat , it is a male so we named him Monroe and yes it is because of my idol ! He is a little shit , seriousy , a cute shit but a shit just the same . He loves nibbling my toes or eating wires , phone chargers, tv plugs , computer chargers , hair straightners , my laces , my shoes , me -  the list my friends is endless . Still though he is cute , here see for yourselves

Roman Monroe aka Ro Ro

see cute !!!

What else , oh yeah we booked tickets to go see the Phantom Of the Opera In the Grand Canal Theatre . I am so excited , I have never been to something like this before so it will be a new experiece and one I can not wait for. Those who have read my postings before will know that I started a heathy eating routine , well sadly it kinda went pear shaped , but I am more dertmined than ever to work so hard at it. I bought a dress for the Opera , it doesn't fit me yet but it will . I need to loose maybe 5 pounds and it will fit perfecty , I have a month to do this . I reckon I can do it. I will need help though all support would be greatly appreciated . My positivity is still going strong.In spite of all the drama and all the run in's and all those I am  finding myself very positive about life lately so i will sign off with something positive.

Thanks for listening

The Magpie

xxxxxxxxxx

Heh Everyone ,

Forgive me , my ramblings today may be a tad morose , well then today is pop's first anniversary. Three hundred and sixty five days ago he closed his eyes never to open them again.If you wouldn't mind to allow me , this is my letter to him today.


Dear Pop's

Happy Anniversary !!!! can I say that? ah well I have never been  too PC so why change the habit of a life time  now!


It's been a whole year already Jimbob , it has been the longest and yet quickest year of my life. There has been so many changes in my life this year alone that I am kinda lost. First of all when you passed everything got turned upside down on me . You were never sick always strong so seeing you weak changed everything , what I thought I knew what I could depend on , was proven to be wrong . Then my family disintegrated before our very eyes. No one was talking and everyone was hurting and taking it out on each other . I felt stuck in the middle unsure of who to talk to or what I was allowed to say . Betty totally lost it  , I am sure you saw that ?  I couldn't keep up with the role reversals Pop's. If you were here you would have sorted them all out . The things they began to say to each other , it was crazy to hear and it hurt t hear some of the things said.


Then I left home properly for the first time . Moved in with my friend .. It should have been the best time but that too fell to pieces. It's not that I didn't try to fix it I swear to God I did. I tried so hard but it wore me down  I had so much of my own stuff floating round my head that her emotional baggage proved too much. I couldn't handle it , and I told her that . Things turned frosty , she stopped talking to me it became intolerable. So I left and we have not spoken since. I am partly to blame for that , I have not tried to hard to mend that bridge.



As for work, Pop's I need to change that situation. It is killing me . It is what I thought I wanted to do but lately I have discovered that it is defiantly not what I want to do. Sadly I am stuck , and I really need your help to get the hell out of there. I am not sleeping , feeling sick and dreading the thoughts of going in there . I know no one likes going to work but to dread the thoughts of getting up ? to getting physically sick at the thought of having to be there. I need that change , I need to be happy ad being there defiantly does not make me happy .



What does make me happy is the other big change this year. Moving in with Mad Mac that is a decision that has worked for me. He helps to calm that storm Pop's . Everyday I panic  about pretty much every aspect o my life . I question and doubt everything I have said and doe , I second guess it all .. Then  I go home and close the door and it all stops. That feeling of dread in lines the bottom of y stomach as I spend my days in work dissipates the minute I walk in my front door. It is my safe haven and it has alot to do with Mad Mac , and now our pet Monroe! It is what I want , it is where I feel   safest !



Sorry I am sounding so negative pop , but I am struggling with certain aspects of my life , and now you are my guiding light I need you to help me out . I miss you Jimbob !!
I really do it still hurts


I love you

\Your Granddaughter

The Magpie

xxxxx



It's a strange time for this Magpie , but I know I will get through it , I have a very powerful angel up there looking out for me . He will catch me when I need him . I also have many angels here with me , they just don't have their wings yet !!

Thanks for listening


The Magpie
xxx

Just one more tool to remind me to continue to be positive !!!

Just because I love this , and a word of warning to Mad Mac lol !!!

Heh Everyone



It's been a while since I last posted so I shall endavour to catch you all up on what has been happening in my life. Well remember my last post ?? As it stands at the moment not a heck of a lot has changed except for my attitude . I have adopted a whole new approach to my life . My new life motto is I "positivism to give 'em" So basically I walk into a situation and I extract only the positives ,  if there are  no posities I simply turn those negatives into a positive by making a few changes . Sounds simple enough right ?? Well I can guarantee you that it is not , after a lifetime  of living my life one way and reacting to events in a certain manner retraining yourself to react differently takes time but I am getting there.

I have already started to make small changes to my life , I have changed my diet to my healthy choices ( I posted about this previously) and have started at the gym . So far I have lost five pounds , and all this in two weeks ! These small changes have made a huge diference to my overall well being . I feel so much better in myself , which can only be a good thing right ?

I have also wait for it .............  I HAVE STOPPED SMOKING !!!  yes folks it may only be in the last two weeks but heh it's a bloody start and I  am damned proud of myself.  I aim to keep it going as far as I am concerned I am a non smoker !!


I am also taking the bull by the horns as far as that work situation is concerned . I am applying for every job I see and I am trying to get myself out of that situation. To this end I am utilising the ideas and triks outlined in "The Secret". Now I know this is not for everyone and many may scoff but the basics that I get out of it were ; that if I believe something will happen then it will . it's called the law of attraction. what I put put I to the universe I will get back   So in my head that translates as if I believe that I will  get a new job that I will be happy doing and if I actively believe it , then it will happen. So that is what I am doing , I have written a list of the types of jobs that I could do and am qualified to do . I actively believe I will get it , and assuming I get up of my ass and work for it well then I should get it. I am aso trying to avail of every opportunity I can to get traied up in as many different areas...... I honestly don't think I can do anymore !!!!



So needless to say I have been doing a lot of thinking about where my life is going and what I want out of it . Some of the things I have discovered  about myself - like what I spoke about above - are fairly normal and quite a good idea. One of the  things I discovered - we can call it a hidden desire- kinda scares me . It is quite personal so I won't go in to it completely but suffice it to say  the decision I have made will change everything and not only for me .   Obviously it's not my decision to make alone and it is something we would really need to tak about . It is not something I want tomorrow or anything silly like that but soon ??....

Just some words to keep me going !!!