When Jim passed away like I said I was very all over the place . So on the suggestion of some loved ones I went to see a grievance counsellor . It was weird at first considering the man's name is Jim ! but after the first session I began to open up to him and actually talk . At the same time there was alot of family things happening at the same time. My Grandad was the glue of the family and after he died we all just seemed to fall apart.  At a time when we should have come together we turned on each other . This particular counsellor was set up by the local Parish Centre so he was sort of religious and when I showed him the poem I wrote when I heard it was terminal  , lets just say it made the atmosphere very cold  !

I am constantly told to believe in you

that you're divine blessings are true

Your words , I'm told can save my Soul

I just have to believe in you is all

Each event that happens , according to what I hear

Is all planned to bring us near.

Tell you how much we love and need

We listen because after all you did bleed

For our Sins - To Save our Souls

Not once did you refuse - not at all

You carried the burden, you followed the rules

if we don't believe we're the fools

From when we are small

For any loss that may befall

We're told you wanted them home

To be your angel, and to you they all come.

A forgiving God

A loving father

To this my thoughts covered in fog

The devil i know I'd rather

At least he wouldn lie

he'd look at you and tell you . "you'll die "

Your soul he'd thieve

In that you can believe .

My faith was always shaken

The truths I'm forced fed , i just cant take in

A divinity that's meant to protect me

A being so celestial and free

But answer me this

What do you gain from taking his Soul

and breaking the hearts of us all?

Taking your angel home to be with you

Is this greed a part to be loved in you ?

whats worse is your method

His life was clean , his soul pure

now his body ravaged by a disease with no cure

the pain he feels at the darkening of the day

is unbelievable and kills me to say

A man who done you no wrong

his faith in you was always strong

You've turned your back on his welfare

tell me how is this fair?

I'm in no way thinking him immortal

Sadly I knew this day would eventually befall

But the way it's happening

I cant swallow at all.

what was wrong with him closing his eyes one night

lying side by side with his wife

together they make their journey with no warning

Neither opening their eyes in the morning.

For his life that he lived

no sins to forgive

that would have been nice

now our hearts laden trapped in a vice

watching the demise of the man we adore

willing our hearts not to fall to the floor

wathchng the disease kill him minute by minute

leaving a shell of a man , I just cant believe it

What possible lesson is there to be learned?

what truths do we need to earn?

why hurt this life?

why Slowly kill his wife?

What do you gain

from watching our pain

why do we need to cry

Is all they teach about you a lie!





I can understand why he he was sightly taken aback . He understood where I was coming from and spent alot of time talking about this to me ... My faith is still shaken and I am not sure what I believe in . That's neither here or there to be honest . I am at the point now where I am not angry any more , and I don't cry when I talk about him, which has got to be  a good thing right? I look at him now as a guiding light someone I call on when I feel scared or alone . I write him letters  now just to let him know how things are going for me and whats happening in my life ..


Thanks for listening

The Magpie